Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
