I love black thongs
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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