I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
