HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
