It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
