I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My liver just had a heart attack.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
