I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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