you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
