he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
