MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
