6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
