hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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