And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i will never coherently bang her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
