eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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