I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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