i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
