Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
