I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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