I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize