The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
