Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pants are for mortals
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
