just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
