The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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