so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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