So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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