and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
