I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What happened to fro yo and sex?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
