If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
