The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
