just tell him i said nine months
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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