Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
