omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
