I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
