Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
