I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
