Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
