porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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