I've blown a few things in my day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize