Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Randomize
