Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
