By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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