Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize