Nicole vs. Life
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
