I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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