"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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