I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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