dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
