office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
