remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
