this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
