this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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