Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
