I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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