We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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