i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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