Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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