YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
