Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
