headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
