I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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