Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
