I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
