Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
