dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
