12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
