Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just invented taco cereal.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
