So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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