My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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