I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
