kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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